Sample Chapters

What Should I Do, What Should I Say? A Handbook for Anyone Who Knows Someone with Cancer

Table of Contents

What Should I Do, What Should I Say?

Foreword

  1. First Finding Out
  2. What is Cancer?
  3. Common Misconceptions About Cancer
  4. “How Can I Face Them?”
  5. “But Everything’s Different Now!”
  6. “What Do I Say?”
  7. Saying the Wrong Thing
  8. Saying the Right Thing
  9. When to Talk About “It”
  10. More Wrong Things to Say
  11. “I Feel So Helpless!”
  12. Clearing A Path Through Your Feelings (To Let Them Walk Through Theirs)
  13. “What Do They Want From Me?”
  14. “But They Haven’t Asked For Help!”
  15. “But We’re Not That Close!”
  16. “I’m Not Sure How Much I Want to Help”
  17. “What If They’re Too Sick to See Me?”
  18. “I Don’t Want to Get Involved”
  19. Your Co-worker With Cancer
  20. Guidelines for Helping
  21. “Tell Me What to Do to Help!”
  22. Laundry, Ironing and Making the World Go Round
  23. A Chauffeur, a Hand-Holder, and Another Set of Ears
  24. Visiting the Doctor With Your Friend
  25. Laughter and Getting Away From It All
  26. Personality Style and Ideas for Helping
  27. The Doer
  28. The Relater
  29. The Organizer
  30. The Giver
  31. The Advocate
  32. Things to Do: Advice from the Horse’s Mouth
  33. Don’ts
  34. Advice: The Unwelcome Gift
  35. Your Rights, Their Rights
  36. A Word About Conventional Therapies
  37. An Overview of Conventional Therapies
  38. A Word About Alternative Therapies
  39. More Words on Alternative Therapies
  40. Pain
  41. A Changed Body Image
  42. Care for the Caregiver
  43. Caring for the Children of Someone with Cancer
  44. My Spouse Has Cancer
  45. When a Child Has Cancer
  46. When a Parent Has Cancer
  47. My Adult Child Has Cancer
  48. Feeding the Less Than Hungry
  49. Spiritual Care
  50. “Why Do I Feel Guilty?”
  51. “Why Do They Feel Guilty?”
  52. Understanding Time Alone
  53. What to Do When They Pull Away
  54. Depression–Theirs
  55. Depression–Yours
  56. “I’m So Angry!”
  57. How to Care for Yourself
  58. “But Their Treatment is Making Them Sicker!”
  59. “My Friend Wants to Give Up”
  60. “My Friend is in Denial”
  61. After Treatment Ends: Looking Ahead to the Future
  62. If Your Friend is Dying
  63. When it’s All Over
  64. Grieving
  65. Living in the Present (”They’re Not Dead Yet!”)
  66. Looking Back With No Regrets

Afterward

Appendix – Resources